Horrendous Pun ... ishment

No matter how much you push the envelope it is still stationary

If you ever joke that you are into "Pun ... ishment," make sure you give a long pause.

What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

I have a split personality said tom being frank

A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes

I renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”

Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar“ Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”

Visit bbmoon.com

How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Caesars

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!” “Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Those are just contractions.”

What sits at the bottom of the lake and twitches, a nervous wreck

Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory.

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen

Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

How do you make Holy Water? You boil the hell out of it

The furniture store keeps calling me to come back. But all I wanted was one night stand

What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over

What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!

I can't believe that I got fired from the calendar factory, all I did was take a day off

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.

Once you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

What’s the different between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure

There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry, though - he woke up

My dad farted in an elevator, it was wrong of so many levels

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person

England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire

What do you call a bee that can't make up it's mind, a maybe

The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize

I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”

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