I'm the humblest person I know.
He who laughs last didn't get it
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
The workshop on procrastination has been cancelled.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Anyone who visits a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
We never make misteaks.
87.5% of all statistics are made up.
Here, take this placebo.
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it
I could've eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!!
The best time to make friends is before you need them.
There are three types of people in the world: those who can count and those who can't.
What would men be without women? Scarce.
The two rules for success are: 1. Never tell them everything you know.
You hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays awake all night wondering if there is a Dog
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
How do blonde brain cells die? Alone.
Recursive loop: See recursive loop.
I am not in denial!
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
I'd give my right hand to be ambidextrous.
All extremists should be taken out and shot!
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.